Untouchable - Chapter 10

A rock 'n' roll romcom — Jack wants Lucy kicked out of the band, but insists that she get the best VIP seats for the concert that night and takes special care with his costume and makeup

Note to readers: This is a story set in the outrageous world of 80s rock ’n’ roll — meaning it’s adult content.

It’s a full-length novel focused on our two romcom protagonists, Jack and Lucy, and the chapters published to date are available here.

You might want to read previous chapters to catch up with what’s going on. Or jump in, because that’s what we do in real life, isn’t it?

Here’s a quick recap of the plot points in case you don’t want to fly blind. A guide to the characters is available at the bottom of the post.

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The story so far

Lucy has been recruited by Dolos Discs A&R executive Barry Bartholomew to pose as a groupie and spy on his secretive and difficult rock band client Pirate for the last six concerts of their big US tour. In exchange, he’s promised her a recording contract, but only if she reports back every single day and the band doesn’t find out why she’s there.

Meanwhile, Pirate manager Dunk MacGregor and lead singer Jack St James have finally captured a guy who keeps following the band and sneaking into off-limit backstage areas. Using groupie ‘persuasion,’ they discover that he’s Barry’s nephew sent to spy on the band, and they insist that he and the two groupies, Suze and Carly, remain for the rest of the tour as ‘honored guests.’

Flying out to the band’s next location in Albuquerque, Lucy wangles her way into the arena to meet the band, but finds herself confined to the hospitality room by a weird Cockney “merch guy” named Vic, who unbeknownst to her is actually lead singer Jack. She doesn’t recognize him out of his Pirate costume and makeup (a la KISS). Lucy shares her Guide to the Rock Stars with the prim-and-proper arena chef, Alison, and succeeds in meeting and making a secret pact with Pirate’s disgruntled lead guitarist, Keith. Jack’s concerns about this groupie running amok (Lucy) are dismissed by band manager Dunk, only to prove true when her meddling causes a blowup in the band.

In today’s post, Lucy proudly reports to Barry that she is now embedded in the band as the lead guitarist’s girlfriend. But her days with Pirate appear to be numbered, as Jack has convinced Dunk to give her the boot — right after she gets to attend that night’s concert and see how great he is.

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That’s our story to date. And please note, I’ve simplified things by including several chapters in each post but labeling them as one chapter. There are still the usual line breaks to indicate a new time and place and whose head we’re in. Let me know if this does/doesn’t work for you.

Hope you enjoy this diversion from crazy reality and thanks for reading!

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Chapter 10

Lucy

“Speak!” orders the voice. No hello.

I hesitate. Did I dial the wrong number?

The line goes dead. It must be the wrong number.

I dial “9” and the number Rhonda gave me again, and listen to the ringing at the other end.

I’m about to hang up, when the same gruff voice comes on the line, breathless. “Yeah?”

“Is Barry Bartholomew there, please?”

“Who the hell is this?”

“Um, Lucy?”

I hear giggling in the background.

“Cut it out,” he growls.

“Oh, sorry,” I say.

“No, not you. Hold the damn phone.”

I hear murmuring and a door snicking shut, then Barry comes back on the line.

“What’re you calling me this late for?”

What’s he talking about?

“I just got here a few hours ago, and it’s only six, so I thought you might still be working. You told me to call you every day.”

“It’s eight here. Two hours difference.”

Oh no, I forgot about the time difference between here and New York. Oops. I hope he doesn’t hold it against me. I can’t lose that recording contract.

The silence on his end is interrupted by the same puffs and hacks into my ear as on our previous phone call. Barry keeping me waiting while he lights up a cigar.

“Yeah, so, you make contact yet?”

“Yes, I’m Keith’s girlfriend,” I say, excited to relay the progress I’ve made. “He told everyone in the hospitality room today, even Dunk, the band’s manager. Dunk and I really hit it off. So I’m in. I’m with the band. It’s all good.”

That should make him very happy. Who else could infiltrate the band this quickly?

“You’re sleeping with the guitar player?” He doesn’t sound pleased.

“No, of course not. I’m a good Catholic girl practicing brahmacharya,” I retort and immediately regret it. “Um, you know, abstinence. I think I forgot to mention that. Keith and I are just pretending I’m his girlfriend, because he’s not happy with the band. He was going to call you anyway, but now I’m here, he says he’ll tell me everything, and I can tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That he and Rob are writing songs and management won’t include them in the setlist. Keith says they’re guaranteed hits.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I haven’t met that Jack St James yet, but he sounds like a real ogre.”

“Yeah, the guy’s a major pain in my backside. What else ya got?”

Geez, I just got here. What does he expect?

“The guys had a fight in the hospitality room,” I blurt. I shouldn’t mention that, since I was the one who kind of instigated it. But too late now.

“Excellent,” he almost shouts.

I’m not sure why he’s happy about that. I thought he wanted the band to stay out of trouble, not get into it.

“Keep up the good work, doll. I knew you was the right broad to be sending in there. Call me tomorrow anytime. I wanna hear everything, and I mean everything. Now I gotta go and get back to my… previous engagement.”

A clunk and dial tone assault my ear.

That guy has no social skills whatsoever. And “engagement” my patootie. He’s getting it on with someone in his office.

But who cares what he’s up to if I succeed in getting the recording contract? Keep your eyes on the prize, Luce. Pay no attention to the cigar-chomping A&R executive behind the emerald curtain. Just bring him back the witch’s broomstick, like he wants.

You know what I mean. Stay with the band and dish him the dirt.

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Jack

“She has to go,” I say as I pace back and forth in my hotel suite. “Did you see what she did? Did you see it?”

Dunk stands, hands on hips, watching me. “Your bum’s out the window, mate. She didn’t do anything.”

I stop pacing and scowl at him. “When have we ever had a fight in the band? I mean a real fight, not the twins wrestling around on the floor. Never. And when have we ever had the boys fighting over a woman? Never.”

Dunk looks confused. “Right. But Luce had naught to do with it. That was all Alison.”

“See! You’re already calling her Luce, like she’s your best friend or something.”

“That’s her name. Well, Lucy really. But she said Luce was fine.”

I grimace. “Don’t you see? She arrives, all soft and smiley and girly and charming everyone, and all of a sudden we have a fight. And—”

“Hold on, hold on, hold on.” Dunk holds up his hands in a stop gesture and raises his eyebrows. “Did I hear you right? Did you say soft? Did you actually touch her?”

I glance at him and away again. “Well, yes, I had to. She fell and I had to catch her. I couldn’t let her fall on the floor.” I continue babbling as he stares at me. “That was earlier, when I met her. It doesn’t really matter when it was. But she tripped on her shoe and I caught her. And yes, I have to admit, she was rather… soft.”

His eyebrows are arching in that What in Hades? look he gets. I never touch anyone or let anyone touch me. If I can help it. Except for the band’s massage therapist, Ruth.

After a long pause, Dunk says, “And you weren’t wearing your gloves?”

“Well, no. But I washed my hands…” I mumble “later” under my breath.

“What was that?” Dunk says, his brows arching even higher.

I ignore the question. I’m not about to admit that I haven’t washed off the smell of her skin yet, that I keep sniffing it off and on, that washing my hands “later” is still in the future. That there’s something reassuring and exciting about that smell, like chocolate with a dash of peppermint.

“You’re missing the point here,” I say.

“Yeah, I am missing the point.”

I start pacing again. “What if George had knocked Randy out and he couldn’t play? That could’ve happened. George has biceps the size of the Incredible Hulk’s.”

Dunk smirks.

“OK, that was an exaggeration. But you know what I mean. And what if Barry found out Randy missed a concert? Then where would we be?” I stop in front of Dunk. “You know where we’d be. Battling him over control of the band and its future.”

“Yeah, I get it,” said Dunk with a sigh. “In negotiation hell with Dolos again.”

“I think we can’t take any risks, and having an interfering groupie around the band is too big a risk. You know what Russell Hammond said about her.”

“The problem is she’s with Keith, and he’s up in arms about the setlist. We know he’s going to dump her in a day, maybe two, and then she’s gone. Maybe we wait.”

“Can we take that risk? We only have six more concerts to get through. And be serious—Keith caring about some girl? Even one as beautiful as her?”

“You think she’s beautiful?”

“You don’t?”

“I’m just surprised you noticed.”

“That’s not the point. The point is we have to get rid of her. Immediately.”

“Right.” Dunk sighed. “Done.”

“But do it after the concert. Give her a great seat for the show. We have some comps left, don’t we? A flight and limo wherever she needs to go. And our best merchandise, something to remember us by. We can at least do that for her.”

Dunk cocks his head as he stares at me.

I know he can’t make sense of me. I can’t make sense of me. For some reason that eludes me, and as much as I despise groupies, I don’t want her to think that I’m doing this because I’m an arsehole.

Dunk nods and heads to the door. “I’ll talk to the both of them after.”

As I get ready for the concert, I take special care with my costume and makeup. If this is the only Pirate concert Lucy L’amour is going to see, it’s only fair that it be a good one. No, a great one. I don’t know why, but I feel we owe her at least that much for kicking her out on that sweet little arse of hers.

She is a supergroupie, after all.

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Lucy

Alison and I make our way to the VIP section. Dunk had told us we were getting the absolute best seats in the house, compliments of the band. That took us both by surprise. When do girlfriends get the best seats over journalists and VIPs? Dunk wouldn’t meet our eyes, guilt all over his face. That probably means I’m going to be banned from the tour, if past experience is any guide. Like the time I was kicked off the Netherlude tour and neither Tate nor Russell would look at me.

That Vic is behind this, I’m sure. He had narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at me in the hospitality room, like I’d done something wrong, when all I’d done was try to help things work out the best for everyone. Didn’t Alison and Randy end up together? A much better match than Alison and George.

Well, Vic has no idea who he’s dealing with. Lucy Sabatini, that’s who. Someone who’s dealt with many miscreant rock stars in her day. If he and Dunk move to kick me off this tour, they’ll have no idea what hit them. One word to Keith, that’s all it will take and then bam! They’ll have to do an about-face, reinstate my privileges, and apologize profusely. Don’t mess with me, Mister Wanker.

As we enter the VIP section, I catch sight of Howie. He looks over and startles when he sees me. Wow, that’s a surprise. Barry hadn’t said anything about his nephew Howie being here. It looks like that old slickster is hedging his bets at least two ways.

I already know Howie from his visit to the ashram. Some other guest—I’ve never been sure who—raved about my music to Barry, and Barry sent Howie as an advance scout. Howie came to my kirtan ecstatic meditation sessions, my singing lessons, and my evening concerts. He hung out with me, chatting about music. The kid is a musical sponge, clearly a wannabe musician who’s settled for being a music aficionado. He seems to know everything about the rock scene and can talk for hours about the different bands. He is, literally, a walking rock ’n’ roll encyclopedia. I was shocked to find out that he even knew about my time with Magnus and my sudden disappearance after the Buffalo concert.

He recommended me to Barry, who hightailed it up to the ashram. But then Mandy the Snake caught word of his visit, and Barry was lured away for the so-called VIP treatment by the swami, while I was pushed into the background—despite the fact that it was my music. Barry had insisted that I be involved in discussions, much to the swami’s displeasure. And from what Barry said in his last call, the swami was pressuring Barry to give him the recording contract. But now—ha!—Barry has promised to give me the contract if I succeed in reporting back on this band. I’ll be damned—Hail Mary, full of grace—if I let anyone prevent me from getting that contract. No one, but no one, including the swami and that Mister Wanker, is going to stand in my way.

We take our seats at the back of the VIP section, right behind Howie.

I lean forward and murmur in his ear. “Howie Bartholomew. Fancy finding you here.”

A young woman sitting next to him twists around and looks at me. “Howie, do you know this lady?”

Howie turns his head toward the two of us. He had clearly been planning to ignore me. Maybe he doesn’t know I’m here for his uncle and is afraid I’ll expose him.

“Yes, I do,” he says. “Lucy, meet Carly.” He waves to his other side. “And this is Suze.”

I hold out my hand to Suze and then Carly, shaking their hands in turn. They both look taken aback by this turn of events.

“This is Alison,” I say, waving in her direction.

“Yes, we’ve already met.” Alison nods at them. “In the Hospitality Room with Howie. Hey there.”

I can tell that the two girls are hard-core groupies, the signs being all over them. It appears that they’ve latched onto Howie as their meal ticket, probably after finding out that his uncle is a big record producer and can get them concert tickets and backstage passes. Nothing wrong with that, as long as Howie doesn’t get hurt. He’s a sweet kid, really naive and impressionable, and afraid of his uncle. I’ll have to make sure they treat him right.

“I’m Lucy L’amour. Here with Keith. Alison is with Randy.”

It’s best to get the groupie dominance hierarchy in place quickly. We’re at the top of the groupie totem pole and they’re at the bottom, and they need to know it and be cooperative and give me the gossip I need. No time for niceties with only five more concerts to go after this one and daily reports to be made to Barry.

Carly turns in her seat. “Lucy L’amour? The Lucy L’amour?” She leans across Howie. “Omigod, Suze, this lady is a groupie legend. Used to be with Magnus.”

Suze frowns at me. “Oh, yeah. And wasn’t there that thing with Netherlude?”

I scowl. Will I never live that little incident down?

Before I can respond, the lights go down.

“I’ll tell you later,” I say in Suze’s direction. I need time to think about what story to tell her to advance my cause and secure the recording contract—and what story not to tell because it might get me in hot water and kicked out of the band. Groupies can have undue influence, as I know only too well.

I also need to get Howie on side, fast. I lean forward and whisper into his ear. “Your uncle sent me. Top secret. Talk to you later.”

To be continued next week…

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Our two protagonists:

Jack St James / Vic - co-founder and lead singer of English rock band Pirate, pretends to be a Cockney crew member named Vic when he’s not in his costume and makeup

Lucy Sabatini - singer-songwriter, head of the music program at the Spirits Rising ashram, and a former supergroupie known as Lucy L’amour

Members of rock band Pirate:

Dunk - band manager

Manny - tour manager

George - drummer

Keith - lead/rhythm guitarist

Randy - keyboardist and Rob’s twin

Rob - bass guitarist and Randy’s twin

Sam - lead/rhythm guitarist

Others:

Alison - arena chef who becomes Randy’s girlfriend

Barry Bartholomew - A&R executive for Dolos Discs

Carly - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Suze, ‘assigned’ to Howie

Cindy - Lucy’s best friend since childhood and her second-in-command at the ashram

Howie - Barry’s nephew, an ‘honored guest’ of the band after caught spying

Magnus - the rock superstar Lucy previously toured with as a supergroupie

Mandy the Snake - admin manager for the ashram

Mister Wanker - Lucy’s nickname for Vic

Rhonda - Barry Bartholomew’s executive secretary

Russell Hammond - drummer for rock band Netherlude

Suze - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Carly, ‘assigned’ to Howie

Swami - the head of the ashram