Untouchable - Chapter 12
A rock 'n' roll romcom — Jack is foiled in his attempt to spy on Lucy as she turns the tables on him, making him even more determined to get the lowdown on and upper hand with this mysterious groupie
Note to readers: This is a story set in the outrageous world of 80s rock ’n’ roll — meaning adult content.
It’s a full-length novel focused on our two romcom protagonists, Jack and Lucy, and the chapters published to date are available here.
You might want to read previous chapters to catch up with what’s going on.
Or here’s a quick recap of the plot points in case you prefer to jump right in.
A guide to the characters is available at the bottom of the post.
The story so far
Lucy has been recruited by Dolos Discs A&R executive Barry Bartholomew to pose as a groupie and spy on his secretive and difficult client, the English rock band Pirate, for the last six concerts of their big US tour. In exchange, he’s promised her a recording contract, but only if she reports back every single day and the band doesn’t find out why she’s there.
Meanwhile, Pirate manager Dunk MacGregor and lead singer Jack St James have finally captured a guy who keeps following the band and sneaking into off-limits backstage areas. Using groupie ‘persuasion,’ they discover that he’s Barry’s nephew sent to spy on the band, and they insist that he and the two groupies, Suze and Carly, remain for the rest of the tour as ‘honored guests.’
Flying out to the band’s next location in Albuquerque, Lucy wangles her way into the arena to meet the band, but finds herself confined to the hospitality room by a weird Cockney “merch guy” named Vic, who unbeknownst to her is actually lead singer Jack. She doesn’t recognize him out of his Pirate costume and makeup (a la KISS).
Lucy shares her Guide to the Rock Stars with the prim-and-proper arena chef, Alison, and succeeds in meeting and making a secret pact with Pirate’s disgruntled lead guitarist, Keith. Jack’s concerns about this groupie running amok (Lucy) are dismissed by band manager Dunk, only to prove true when her meddling causes a blowup in the band.
Jack convinces Dunk to give Lucy the boot after that night’s concert, but when she raves about his music afterwards, he not only changes his mind and insists that she be allowed to stay, but also rushes back to his hotel room to finish composing a song about her that has suddenly popped into his mind.
In today’s post, Jack throws all scruples to the wind in a quest to find out more about Lucy. But he under-estimates her experience with rock stars and ability to smell a rat and have a good time flushing it out of its nest.
Enjoy today’s ‘battle of the sexes.’
Chapter 12
Jack
I have to know more about this Lucy L’amour, now that she’s traveling with the band as Keith’s girlfriend.
She seems to have some musical discernment from her time with Magnus. Witness how she raved about my music and especially my song “Your Eyes.”
That intrigues me, of course. But I’m also suspicious. She showed up yesterday out of nowhere and charmed the pants off everyone, including Dunk.
I’m the only one in the entire band keeping my damn head, which means it’s up to me to investigate and get to the bottom of… her.
The perfect plan occurs to me, the beauty of it being that I’ll get insight into her and she’ll never know or suspect a thing. No one will, if I play my cards right.
I rub my hands together in glee. This will be more fun than I’ve had in ages.
I pull aside Mick, the driver of the band bus, and offer him five hundred dollars cash, payable when we arrive in Phoenix. All he has to do is keep his walkie-talkie in transmit mode for the entire trip and hide it somewhere in the lounge of the band bus.
He also has to keep his bus traveling right behind my bus—what we call the management bus—so I’m always in receiving distance and can hear everything being said.
Last, but of utmost importance, he has to keep it a secret, even from Dunk. Especially from Dunk.
I don’t tell Mick why I want to do this. I’m the damn boss and that’s all he needs to know.
Of course, Mick doesn’t care. Once I wave the brand new cash—I always carry fresh new bills with me “just in case”—he instantly agrees.
I don’t trust him to put the walkie-talkie in the right place, so I go on the band bus to “consult” with him on where it should go.
I haven’t been on the band bus in a while and I can’t believe the overwhelming smell of beer and pot. Mick has tried to cover it up with air freshener, but that’s made it reek even worse.
I don’t think Lucy or Alison should travel on a bus smelling like this, but there isn’t much I can do about it. The boys aren’t allowed to bring groupies on the bus, but they can bring girlfriends. Keith made a point of calling Lucy his girlfriend a ridiculous number of times yesterday. Like he didn’t want anyone to forget. And yet most of the time he ignores her. There’s something very fishy going on there.
And, of course, Alison will be coming with Randy. I can’t believe she quit her job at the arena to accompany him for the rest of the tour. I’d never have believed that Randy got himself a girlfriend if I hadn’t been there to see it for myself.
After some consultation, Mick and I agree on where to put the walkie-talkie. I make sure the batteries are new and that the placement is ideal for catching conversations. Attention to detail has always been one of the keys to my success. Call me a control freak if that makes you happy.
The tricky part now is getting Dunk to ride on the band bus. He almost always rides with me—except when we’re having a big row. I tell him I’m exhausted from writing music all night and need to sleep, and suggest he go on the band bus to weasel more out of Howie. I sigh with relief when he immediately agrees.
Shortly before we take off, I tell Gus, the driver of my bus, that I’m taking his walkie-talkie to my bedroom so I can chat to someone on the other bus. Gus waves his hand and grunts. He doesn’t care as long as he can play his country and western tunes undisturbed. That’s what I love about Gus. The epitome of rational discretion.
I make myself comfortable in my bedroom at the back of the bus, sprawling across the double bed with my hands behind my head, food and drink within reach and the walkie-talkie next to me.
This better pay off, because if anyone finds out I’ve done this, they’ll think I’m out of my mind. Dunk would be appalled that I’m “bugging” the band bus, which is essentially what I’m doing. He’d tell me to get my arse on that bus if I want to know more about her. But I can’t do that. That bus is a veritable cesspool of germs. I would never ride on there willingly. And I certainly don’t want her to know I’m investigating her.
I listen to everyone board the band bus, and hear Lucy near the walkie-talkie.
“You guys, what about Jack? I saw Vic get on the other bus, but I didn’t see Jack.” How adorable is that, making sure I’m not left behind.
She still doesn’t know that Vic is my alter ego, the disguise I use to go out and about without anyone recognizing me, the way I stay safe in the wider world. Alison doesn’t know either. And there’s no reason either one of them needs to find out—until I know I can trust them.
“Oh no, he’s there.” Dunk’s voice booms in the walkie-talkie. “I just checked.”
“But don’t they want to ride with us?” she asks.
“No,” Dunk says, “they have work to do.”
“Yeah,” Keith says in a smartass tone. “They have to buff each other’s toenails, don’t they?”
He better watch it. He signed a contract agreeing to keep it a secret.
“Yeah, and they have to trim each other’s overgrown nose and ear hairs,” Rob says, a bit harder to hear.
You watch out too, Rob.
“Yeah,” Sam adds, about as distinct as Rob, “and they have to give each other haircuts like Nigel Tufnel.”
Oh, here we go again with Spinal Tap. The boys are obsessed with it.
“Yeah,” Randy says, a bit closer, “and they have to play a song in D minor and weep in each other’s arms.”
“Yeah, and these go to eleven,” Rob and Sam shout at the same time, followed by the sound of laughter and hand slaps.
“Oh, you guys are too silly,” Lucy says, her voice getting less distinct as she moves away from the walkie-talkie. “Why don’t I pop over and ask them?”
“No!” Dunk’s voice is so loud it hurts my ears. “Jack’s sleeping and we can’t disturb him.”
“Won’t Vic be lonely by himself?” Lucy asks.
“Get over here, woman,” Keith says. “Forget about Vic. You’re with me.”
Lucy’s voice gets louder. “You’re right, loverboy. You were going to play your tunes for me.”
Loverboy? Has she slept with him? I know she’s a groupie, but I still can’t see her with Keith. It just doesn’t compute. And it doesn’t sit well, either.
My bus starts up and pulls out. I hear indistinct chitchat on the other bus, then lose them altogether as they go out of range. Damn it.
I run up to the front of the bus and tell Gus to keep the band bus closer. He grunts and slows down. I’m a bit peeved. I hope I didn’t miss anything.
When I plop back down on my bed, Keith is playing acoustic guitar and singing a song I’ve never heard before. It must be one of his new tunes, and I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s quite good, not the schmaltzy schlock Keith and Rob were turning out before, but still a bit too pop for my own taste.
Keith plays two more tunes and Lucy keeps exclaiming how good they are. She doesn’t say great, thank goodness. That would encourage Keith to be even more demanding about including his songs in the show. And, honestly, how could I respect someone who thinks Keith’s songs are “great,” even if she did have the musical discernment to rave about what I consider one of my best compositions, “Your Eyes.”
“Now me,” she says.
What does that mean?
There’s a pause and some low talking, and then the guitar playing starts up again. Lucy must have taken the guitar because the playing is far more gentle and folksy than the aggressive way the boys play.
She starts singing “Your Eyes,” and I’m surprised that she knows the words and melody when she heard it for the first time last night. Impressive.
She has a pitch perfect soprano voice, but it’s the passion with which she sings that grabs me.
Keith joins in on the second verse, and I feel a surge of jealousy. It should be me singing my song with her, not “loverboy.”
The others join in on the last two verses. They’re having a sing-along and I’m the only one not there. That old sense of injustice rears its head and I squash it back down. This is the price I pay to be in charge. The loneliness of being at the top and not just one of the lads.
And besides, I don’t want to miss a note of her singing.
I lie there listening as the group sings song after song. They sing old rock and folk standards from the sixties and seventies, a few disco hits, nothing recent from the eighties.
Lucy seems to prefer the old tunes. She seems to be able to sing anything within her range, even the difficult ones.
“Can I do one of my own songs for you?” she asks.
Everyone encourages her. I almost shout “Yes” myself, momentarily forgetting I’m not actually there.
She strums as she introduces the song, as if she’s used to playing in front of audiences, or at least in front of other people.
“This is a tune called ‘Saying Yes.’”
She plays her song and I’m not expecting much, some simple little tune. But, instead, I’m completely and totally stunned. I sit up and turn up the walkie-talkie to hear more clearly.
This girl knows music at some fundamental, primal level. The melody is simple enough for the average person to pick up and sing, but the music has a depth and complexity only a professional musician would truly appreciate. It reminds me of some of my favorite Led Zeppelin tunes—haunting and beautiful. I can imagine this song with all kinds of arrangements, including a full orchestra.
But it’s the lyrics that really get to me. She sings about the regret of not living the full life, of doing what everyone else wants while denying one’s own true calling, of letting life slip away until it’s suddenly gone. Emotions chase through me—nostalgia, regret, resolve—the hallmark of a great song.
The bus slows and turns off the highway. The bus drivers need a break, the buses need refueling, and the boys need to stretch their legs before the confinement of the bus drives them nuts. Not to mention using the public toilets so they don’t stink up the bus, especially with ladies onboard.
My bus stops and I hear the voices disappearing from the other bus. I stay on my bed, not sure if I’m up for leaving the bus and facing all of them.
I close my eyes. Maybe I’ll take a quick nap. I am tired from not getting enough sleep last night.
A voice unexpectedly comes through the walkie-talkie. “What is it, Luce?” It’s that Alison.
Lucy speaks in a low voice, as if she’s afraid of someone overhearing. “I know this might sound crazy, but I don’t think there’s a Vic.”
My eyes pop open in shock.
“What are you talking about? We saw him get on the other bus.”
You tell her, Alison.
“But did we see Jack get on the bus?” Lucy says. “No, we didn’t. And here’s the thing. When have we ever seen Jack and Vic at the same time?”
That girl is too smart for her own good.
“Huh,” Alison says, “you’re right. We haven’t.”
“And why did they almost jump down my throat when I suggested we invite Vic to join us?”
Because they know I’m not going on that germy bus, that’s why.
“Yeah, what was that all about?”
Lucy’s voice is nonchalant. “I wonder if Randy would tell you, your relationship being so new and everything.”
I groan.
Alison sounds indignant. “Well, he better tell me.”
He will tell her. Randy doesn’t have the experience to resist a persuasive female.
“It’ll be hard to ask him with the guys around,” Lucy says.
“Don’t you worry,” Alison says. “I know exactly how to get him away from them. Leave it to me.”
“I bet you do,” Lucy says.
They laugh and their voices fade away.
“That little minx,” I say aloud. I jump up from the bed and go into the wardrobe area. Time to get in full Victor mode.
I’m going to have some fun with that interfering little groupie. She doesn’t know that I know that she knows. This is going to be delicious fun.
After quickly making myself look Victor-ish, I descend the steps of the bus and stride over to Randy. He’s standing with the boys but Alison is whispering something in his ear.
He starts to follow her when I zoom in and grab his arm, saying in Vic’s voice, “Begging your pardon, Alison me darling, but I need to consult with me boy Randy here.”
Alison looks surprised and displeased.
“Don’t fret, me love,” I say, smiling down at her. “I won’t be taking him far.”
As I lead Randy across the pavement, away from her, I revert back to a quiet version of my normal voice. “Randy, I need to ask you for a very small favor.”
“Yeah, sure, Jack,” Randy says, also lowering his voice. “Anything.”
I stop and face him. “Well, you know I don’t normally go for groupies, but I’m quite taken with this Lucy. She’s kind of cute, isn’t she?”
I look across the parking lot to where she’s talking with Alison and sneaking looks in our direction.
“Um…” Randy says, beetling his brows.
“Not my usual type,” I continue, “but I’m not talking about a relationship or anything. Just, you know, having some fun with her. Maybe a wild night or two. I bet she’s a wildcat in bed, a wildcat I’d love to tame. Might even be into the kinky stuff, you know what I mean.”
Randy looks rather shocked. “But um, well…” His face suddenly lights up with relief. “She’s kind of with Keith.”
“C’mon, Randy, we both know Keith couldn’t care less. So here’s my tiny little favor. I want you to ask her to come to my room tonight. And to wear something very sexy, like what she was wearing yesterday. Something that’s a total turn-on.”
I rub my hands together. This is so good.
He looks a bit mortified. “Well, I don’t know, Jack. I mean—”
“This one time, Randy. I won’t ask you to do something like this again.”
He doesn’t look convinced, so I put on my most earnest look.
“You know it’s hard for me to approach women given my situation. And she seems like she’d be quite open to it. You saw her, she kissed and hugged me last night and I thought she’d never stop. She’s clearly very attracted to me. So you’d be doing both of us a big favor, wouldn’t you?”
Randy grimaces and looks at the ground. “I guess so.”
“Excellent. Let’s go chat to them, so I can say great things about Jack and get her excited about him again. Then you can ask her when you’re back on the bus.”
I saunter away toward Lucy and Alison, Randy straggling after me. Showtime!
“Allo allo, ladies,” I greet them. “Just stopping by to relay Jack’s regrets for not being a better host. He was up all the night composing a new tune, all inspired by the reaction to the concert last night, and by your enthusiasm specially, Mistress Lucy.”
I give Lucy my best wide-eyed, innocent smile.
She smiles back. “Oh, yes, I was impressed. I would really love the opportunity to tell him again. And I thought both of you might like to come on our bus for a while. We’re singing songs and having a blast. Would he happen to be awake?”
Point well played, Mistress Lucy. But not well enough.
“Oh no, he’s quite the sleeper, is ol’ Jack. No telling when he’ll wake up. And he needs his sleep after working all night, know what I mean?”
Lucy moves close to me, into my personal space. “Then why don’t you join us, Vic? No reason you should stay on that bus all by your little old self with nothing to do.”
I look down at her and smile with regret. “Oh, I wish I could, darling, but I got me work to do. I’m Jack’s assistant and he gave me some things to finish…”
I stop speaking because she’s fingering the front of my shirt and I’ve lost my train of thought. She’s touching me and, like last night, I don’t mind it. In fact, it’s kind of turning me on.
“Oh, that Jack, he’s not very nice to you, is he, Vic? Making you work while he gets to sleep and everyone else gets to have fun. He sounds like a real slave driver. How can you stand working for him?”
I’m momentarily speechless and then come to my senses. I can’t let her get away with talking about Jack like this, especially when she doesn’t know that I know that she knows.
“Oh, no! Jack ain’t no slave driver. He’s the best.” I turn to Randy for support. “Right, Ran?”
Randy has been looking at the ground and trying to avoid everyone’s eyes. He looks up and I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Um, yes. Jack is great. I swear it.”
Lucy moves up close to me, puts her hands on my chest, and looks up into my face.
“I just don’t think he’s that good to you, Vic. He keeps you all to himself and we never get to spend any time with you. I mean, I would love to get to know you better.”
This is not going the way I’d intended. She’s supposed to be convinced that “Jack” is a good guy and be enticed to come to his room tonight. Does it matter? I’m so distracted by her hands I can’t think straight.
“No,” I manage to say. “You need to give him a chance, me love. Listen to Randy. He knows. Jack’s the best.”
“Um, yeah,” Randy says without conviction.
Lucy pulls away from me. “Oh, OK. If you say so. He does write amazing music. But I can’t seem to forget that you called me princess and a delicious little titbit.”
Alison gasps at this.
“Don’t forget that I’d love to spend time getting to know you better, Vic,” Lucy adds as she gives me a coy smile.
I narrow my eyes at her. I’m clearly being played. The question is, how far is she willing to go? I guess I might find out tonight—if she shows up.
I have to admit, I’m dying to see what she does next.
“Gotta get back to me work, ladies,” I say. “Don’t forget what we talked about, Randy.”
Doffing an imaginary hat, I bow to the two women. “Alison. Princess. Me pleasure.”
I turn and stride back to the bus. Climbing onboard, I ignore Dunk calling my name and tell Gus I am not to be disturbed. After entering my bedroom and locking the door, I take off my shirt and smell it. It has the distinct aroma of her. I put on some loud music—“Cum on Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot—not for entertainment but to mask the sounds as I have a little me myself time.
I’ve never been so turned on in my entire life.
Lucy
“What did he talk to you about?” I say to Randy as soon as Jack leaves. I have to know. I was so incredibly turned on sparring with Jack pretending to be Vic, him not knowing that I know who he really is.
“Oh, OK, well…” Randy shuffles his feet.
“Vic is Jack, isn’t he?” Alison says.
Randy looks at Alison in shock. “How did you know?”
His expression changes immediately to chagrin. “Forget I said that. I can’t tell you anything. I signed a contract, didn’t I? And I don’t want to lose my job.”
I give him a reassuring smile. “We already knew, so you didn’t tell us. But what did he talk to you about? He was looking at us the whole time he talked to you.”
“I don’t really want to,” Randy says. “You’re not going to like it.”
“Get it off your chest, hon,” Alison says as she rubs his back. “You’ll feel better.”
Randy looks at me with regret. “He wants you to come to his room tonight.”
“Really?” I say, my face breaking into a big smile.
“You can’t go. He’s really crafty, is Jack.”
“I’m really crafty too, Randy.” Didn’t he just see me in action?
“No, you don’t understand. He wants you to come there in something really sexy so he can seduce you and have wild sex with you.” Randy lowers his voice. “Even maybe, you know, kinky sex.”
“Kinky sex? Like playing pirate and wench, and I get to walk the plank?” Alison and I look at one another and laugh.
“No, he said you’re a wildcat he wants to tame.”
I feel bad for Randy. He’s so earnest and concerned about my wellbeing. “C’mon, he must be joking…”
I look off into the distance for a moment. Something isn’t making sense here. A guy who doesn’t like to be touched, and he talks Randy into inviting me to his hotel room for wild, kinky sex. Which, no question, will involve touching.
Suddenly it comes to me. “Unless… unless somehow he knows that I know. How would he know that I know?”
He couldn’t have. Could he?
I dash over to the bus and climb aboard, Alison and Randy rushing to keep up with me. I turn and put my finger to my lips.
Tiptoeing into the lounge, I search the cushions and then the overhead area. The walkie-talkie is hidden beneath a blanket. I pick it up and show it to them, and point to the “on” transmission switch.
Randy frowns as if he can’t compute what he’s seeing, while Alison looks wide-eyed and mouths “oh-mi-god.”
Putting the walkie-talkie back where I found it, I stand on the seat so my mouth is as close to it as possible. This is going to be so much fun.
“Alison, can I be honest with you?” I say. I wave at Alison to respond.
“Yes, Lucy, you can.” She’s a bit wooden in her delivery, but it’ll have to do.
“I’m so surprised that Jack is interested in me. I thought he was gay.”
Alison gives me a grinning nod. “Why did you think that, Lucy?”
“Well, because I hugged and kissed him last night, and he didn’t react at all. He was stiff as a board.”
“That sounds gay to me,” she says.
“Um, I’ve never seen him with a woman,” Randy says.
I give him a gleeful smile and a thumbs up.
He looks confused. “Well, I haven’t.”
“That’s just it, Randy. I would love to have wild and kinky sex with him. But he doesn’t seem to like women. Now Sam, on the other hand, seems to have a real appreciation for women.”
“Well, yes, but Sam likes a lot of women,” Randy replies.
“I guess I won’t know for sure unless I go tonight in my sexiest outfit and see what happens. I would certainly enjoy some wild and kinky sex right now.”
Jack
I listen as I spray Wipe-It-Fresh and clean up the wee mess I’ve just created. Omigod, could they be worse actors if they tried?
It’s clear they’ve found the walkie-talkie and are performing for my benefit.
“So that means she knows that I know that she knows that I’m Jack and Vic,” I say aloud. “Game on, my fine wench, game on.”
I fetch myself a glass of wine and get settled against the headboard of my bed as I wait for everyone to troop back onto the other bus. I half-listen to the chatter until Lucy’s voice comes through loud and clear.
“Sam, come sit next to me. I’ve been wanting to get to know you better.”
“And Sam wants to get to know you better too,” Sam says in his sexy voice.
“Rob also wants to get to know you better,” Rob says in his alpha male voice.
After a pause, during which I’m quite certain they’re both putting physical moves on her, Lucy says, “Are you two looking for a threesome? I hear there’s a lot of kinky sex going on in this band.”
“No,” Rob and Sam bark at the same time.
I laugh. Clever girl. She knows how to handle randy young men.
Of course she does. She’s a groupie. Why do I keep forgetting that?
“Tell me, is Jack gay?” she asks.
Here we go again. Back to the gay repartee.
“I don’t know about Jack,” Sam says, again in his low, sexy voice, “but Sam is most definitely he-ter-o-sex-u-al and interested in a twosome with a very fine lady such as yourself.”
“You want a real man?” Rob says. “Check this out… Go ahead, feel it.” No doubt he’s showing her his bicep.
Lucy laughs. “Very nice.”
I roll my eyes. Like she would be impressed by that. Or, at least, based on what I’ve seen so far, I wouldn’t think so.
I only half-listen after that, plotting out my seduction if she shows up this evening. I change my mind a half dozen times.
Finally, giving up, I take a power nap and do what I often do—let my unconscious figure things out. When I wake up ten minutes later, a simple but brilliant plan is taking shape in my mind.
To be continued next week…
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Our two protagonists:
Jack St James / Vic - co-founder and lead singer of English rock band Pirate, pretends to be a Cockney crew member named Vic when he’s not in his costume and makeup
Lucy Sabatini - singer-songwriter, head of the music program at the Spirits Rising ashram, and a former supergroupie known as Lucy L’amour
Members of rock band Pirate:
Dunk - band manager
Manny - tour manager
George - drummer
Keith - lead/rhythm guitarist
Randy - keyboardist and Rob’s twin
Rob - bass guitarist and Randy’s twin
Sam - lead/rhythm guitarist
Others:
Alison - arena chef who becomes Randy’s girlfriend
Barry Bartholomew - A&R executive for Dolos Discs
Carly - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Suze, ‘assigned’ to Howie
Cindy - Lucy’s best friend since childhood and her second-in-command at the ashram
Howie - Barry’s nephew, an ‘honored guest’ of the band after caught spying
Magnus - the rock superstar Lucy previously toured with as a supergroupie
Mandy the Snake - admin manager for the ashram
Mister Wanker - Lucy’s nickname for Vic
Rhonda - Barry Bartholomew’s executive secretary
Russell Hammond - drummer for rock band Netherlude
Suze - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Carly, ‘assigned’ to Howie
Swami - the head of the ashram
The relationships have gotten a little more dense than I expected. Very excited to read more.