Untouchable - Chapter 34
A rock 'n' roll romcom - Lucy is serenaded and courted again by the repentant Jack
Note to readers: This is a story set in the outrageous world of 80s rock ’n’ roll — meaning adult content.
It’s a full-length novel focused on our two romcom protagonists, Jack and Lucy, and the chapters published to date are available here.
We are almost at the end, folks!
A guide to the characters is available at the bottom of the post.
The story so far
Lucy has been recruited by Dolos Discs A&R executive Barry Bartholomew to pose as a groupie and spy on his secretive and difficult client, the English rock band Pirate, for the last six concerts of their big US tour. In exchange, he’s promised her a recording contract, but only if she reports back every single day and the band doesn’t find out why she’s there.
Meanwhile, Pirate manager Dunk MacGregor and lead singer Jack St James have finally captured a guy who keeps following the band and sneaking into off-limits backstage areas. Using groupie ‘persuasion,’ they discover that he’s Barry’s nephew sent to spy on the band, and they insist that he and the two groupies, Suze and Carly, remain for the rest of the tour as ‘honored guests.’
Flying out to the band’s next location in Albuquerque, Lucy wangles her way into the arena to meet the band, but finds herself confined to the hospitality room by a weird Cockney “merch guy” named Vic, who unbeknownst to her is actually lead singer Jack. She doesn’t recognize him out of his Pirate costume and makeup (a la KISS).
Lucy shares her Guide to the Rock Stars with the prim-and-proper arena chef, Alison, and succeeds in meeting and making a secret pact with Pirate’s disgruntled lead guitarist, Keith. Jack’s concerns about this groupie running amok (Lucy) are dismissed by band manager Dunk, only to prove true when her meddling causes a blowup in the band.
Jack convinces Dunk to give Lucy the boot after that night’s concert, but when she raves about his music afterwards, he not only changes his mind and insists that she be allowed to stay, but also rushes back to his hotel room to finish composing a song about her that has suddenly popped into his mind.
The next day, he throws all scruples to the wind in a quest to find out more about her by concealing a walkie-talkie in the band bus and listening in to her singing and talking. But his plans go awry as she figures things out and, at a rest stop, deliberately badmouths Jack to him when he’s pretending to be Vic. Upping the stakes, Jack asks Randy to invite her to his room that night for some ‘wild and kinky sex,’ wondering if she’ll show up.
She does, and they spend hours talking, eating, and playing music together. Lucy finally tells an outraged Jack about the stampede at the final Magnus concert and how she was saved by a roadie named Butch. He walks her back to her room and gives her a long kiss goodnight in the corridor.
The next morning Lucy gets another spying assignment from Barry — find out if the band has enough songs for a new album — and also receives an unexpected visit from rock star Magnus. He brings a warning from her parents that the swami is demanding her return and some terrible news of his own.
Jack hears about Magnus’s visit and tries to eavesdrop from the room next door. Thinking he hears Magnus hurting Lucy, he leaps to her balcony, rushes into the room, and punches Magnus, only to find out that he’s punched a man with HIV and that Lucy loves him. Magnus’s arrival and Jack’s leap have attracted not only the paparazzi but the news media and result in a security lockdown.
Jack finds out that Magnus is actually Lucy’s cousin. He and Lucy spend the night together, but despite Lucy’s best efforts, he keeps things slow because he wants to develop something real with her. Thinking Keith is upset at losing Lucy, Jack tells the band they can do one of the songs written by Keith and Rob in the encore for the very first time — to Keith’s delight but Dunk’s alarm.
Lucy reports to Barry that Pirate has enough songs for another album, even though she has no clue, and he tasks her with finding out if they’re talking to other labels. Jack prepares to sing the song he wrote for Lucy as a ‘gift’ at the end of that evening’s concert. Dunk is worried about the low level of the stage at the arena.
Jack and Lucy have their first fight when they arrive at the arena. Dunk saves the day by talking some sense into Jack and by accompanying Lucy to the side of the stage during the concert and staying with her as she deals with the terror of her stampede memories.
Jack sings his song for Lucy in the encore and she conquers her fear to join him onstage. He descends into darkness afterwards and, back at the hotel, tells her about his terrible childhood at boarding school and how fellow student Dunk became his protector and lifelong friend.
Jack worries that with all the problems he brings Lucy will abandon him, but then wonders if he should abandon her when she fails to wash her hands properly. They commit to dealing with their post-traumatic stress disorder together.
Barry demands that Lucy find out which labels are pursuing Pirate and how much they’re offering over her objections. She then engages in some inept spycraft and almost blows her cover with Jack and the rest of the band.
Jack invites Lucy onstage in the encore to sing ‘her song’ with him. Just as they’re reaching the crescendo in the final verse, fans manage to overwhelm security and storm the stage. Jack protects Lucy and fights them off, sustaining injuries that require medical treatment.
But those injuries don’t stop Jack from finally putting the moves on Lucy. They spend the night getting to know one another in new ways, including sharing their romantic and sexual histories with one another.
When they get to L.A. the next night, Jack immediately heads over to the arena to help Dunk with set problems. Lucy uses the opportunity to make her daily call to Barry, only to find out that the recording contract is not only not in the bag, but Barry denies that he ever promised it to her.
Barry wakes Jack with a phone call the next morning to tell him that there should be a new contract offer at his door — and that he was the one who sent Lucy out there, and that Jack can “keep the broad.” In front of the band, Jack has Lucy removed from the floor by Security in her pajamas, Lucy fighting tooth and nail to stay but ultimately being carried into the elevator.
Lucy meets with everyone in the restaurant to plan her campaign to win back Jack’s heart. Dunk tells Jack that Barry has offered them the contract of their dreams, and Jack’s shock is compounded by disbelief when Lucy appears at his hotel room door, accompanied by his own band, to serenade him with his own damn song. The nerve!
To Lucy’s chagrin, the serenade doesn’t work, but the follow-up meeting with Dunk does. He congratulates her on her abysmal spycraft that brought them a great contract, and offers to help her in her efforts to reconnect with Jack.
Lucy and the boys carry out campaign strategy number two — surprising Jack by bringing her onstage to sing “When Lightning Strikes” with him in that evening’s encore. Jack plays along while going to great lengths to keep her at arm’s length, and strides offstage before she can talk to him and make another appeal.
Lucy expresses reservations about the third and final element in the campaign strategy, but the boys engage in a full-bore press to convince her to go ahead. So she’s goes to Jack’s room to seduce him, and he immediately succumbs, but he treats it like a tawdry booty call. After Jack falls sleep, she flees to Dunk’s arms and then back home, convinced that the relationship is doomed.
When he wakes up, Jack searches for Lucy and confronts Dunk for helping her leave. He owns up to loving her, and Dunk tells him a jet is waiting to take him to Endwell to win her back. At the Sabatini home in Endwell, Jack faces the entire Sabatini clan and wins favor when their beloved cat, Mittens, climbs into his lap.
Will Lucy give Jack a second chance?
Chapter 34
Lucy
I toss and turn as I dream about Jack telling me he’s sorry, but he’s not going to give me cannoli anymore because I danced in a genie costume in front of Barry Bartholomew. My aunt tells him he’s right not to share his cannoli because I look like Count Dracula. I do some handsprings to impress him, but he just yawns and tells me even Mata Hari could do better handsprings than that.
I wake with a start. Something is banging against my window, as if someone’s hitting it with a stick. I hear a bunch of arguing voices. For crying out loud, is there no consideration for an exhausted daughter who needs some sleep?
I told them I’d be up in a while. Geez.
At least, I think I did. Or did I tell them my life is ruined and not worth living, and don’t even think of disturbing me for the rest of my life?
Well, probably. But that’s no reason to bang my window, even if my family will never in a million years understand the meaning of the phrase ‘Do not disturb.’
Now someone is playing a guitar. Are you frickin’ kidding me?
Hey, wait a second. That tune sounds familiar.
Omigod, it’s “When Lightning Strikes”!
O-my-double-god. I know that voice. It’s Jack’s.
Jack is here!
I jump up, open my bedroom door, and take a peek out. No one’s in the darn house. Everyone must be outside with Jack.
Of course they are. Odds are the entire neighborhood is here. Knowing my family and their Italian-Greek-American bush network, maybe even the entire town, state, or country.
After a quick pitstop in the bathroom to pee, run a brush through my hair, and put a dab of toothpaste on my teeth, I run to the back door. I look like heck in my travel-wrinkled clothes and with bags under my eyes, but I don’t want to miss a note of his singing.
It may be the last time I hear it. He might be here to make up, but I still doubt he can really truly forgive me, or me him. How can there be a future for us?
After all, he did call me a Mata Hari and tell me my handsprings aren’t as good as hers. Dreams are important—they tell us how we really feel. I take great pride in my handsprings.
Opening the back door without a sound, I sneak on tiptoe to the big forsythia bush separating the backyard from the side of the house next to my bedroom.
I put my finger to my lips as I come into view of my family. Last thing I need is for one of them to give me away and stop Jack’s singing. Sounds like he’s almost done with “When Lightning Strikes.”
Fortunately, they’re all rapt and I get no more than a few half-smiles and nods. As it should be when he’s singing.
Crossing my arms across my chest and cocking my head, I’m happy that I get to listen to him sing the final verse. I’m absolutely dying to sing it with him, but we saw how that went during the concert when he acted like I was his own personal brand of kryptonite as well as a rabid carrier of the cooties.
“Make me, I beg, your inamorato,” he sings. “Say you’ll stay my lightning lover. Say you’ll strike again and forever. Say you’re mine, my lightning love. Make your home in my aching blue boughs.”
When he finishes, there’s silence as he stares at my bedroom window.
Turning, he says, “Maybe I should do another—” and cuts himself off as he catches sight of me. “Lucy!”
“Another is a very good idea,” I say. “Is that the Martin guitar I gave you?”
I can’t believe he brought it with him, all the way from California. Put a mark in the “forgive Jack” column.
He grins and, keeping his eyes on mine, launches into “Your Eyes.”
I’m dying to sing this one with him as well, but hold myself back. I’m still not sure about this whole thing, about why he’s here, about what he’s expecting to happen, about what he’s wanting or expecting from me.
And I think he kind of owes my family a free concert for everything he’s put them through.
“Another,” I say when he finishes that one. He can’t not oblige me when Nana has her hands over her heart and an ecstatic look on her face. My parents have clasped hands and are swaying together, and Uncle Leo has joined in on the chorus with his hearty baritone.
I get Jack to do four more Pirate songs—my favorites—before he asks Leo to hold the guitar and walks over to me.
I can’t seem to breathe as he gets near. Why does he always have such an intense effect on me?
“No more until I have a word,” he says, looking at me with an expression I can’t read. “Could we go somewhere private?”
I don’t think being alone with him is to my advantage right now. He’ll turn my legs to jelly and I won’t be able to stand up for myself. I’ll cave in and give him whatever he wants.
Like I gave him my heart and my body, and virginity is a huge deal for a Catholic girl. I had sex with him in the eyes of God, and probably with angels watching. Which means I’m going to be saying Hail Marys for a long time to come.
Cindy says I don’t need to, but she’s Episcopalian. They have different rules. Auntie Irene considers them heathens, especially “that girl.”
Now Jack wants “a word”? Where was that word all that time I was trying to explain things and ask for forgiveness?
He really hurt me, after I tried so hard to apologize and went through so much to earn a second chance. I just can’t go through the wringer and get hurt again. My little heart can’t take it.
No, it goes both ways, Mister Bigshot, gets-his-own-way-all-the-time, Fancy Schmancy Rock Star. If there’s one time it’s not going to be that way, it’s this time.
I fling my hair behind my shoulder. “Anything you have to say, Jack, you’re going to have to say it in front of my family.”
He looks perplexed and glances around at the people gathered in our yard and spilling into the street. It’s, well, I don’t know exactly how many, but, yeah, loads.
“Is this… Are these… Is everyone a member of your family?”
This question, predictably, sets off my parents.
“Con,” says my mom, “We forgot to introduce everyone. Where are our manners?”
“What?” my dad responds. “You want me to tell our guest not to sing when he wants to give a concert to our daughter?”
“That’s right!” says Uncle Sal, Dad’s brother who’s always first off the mark to agree with him. “Ya gotta let the boy sing.”
Which incites Mom’s closest sister to come to her defence. “I don’t know. Izzy’s gotta a pretty good point there.” She grabs her husband’s arm and pulls him towards Jack. “Nice to meet you, milord. I’m Lucy’s Aunt Tess, formerly Santorini but now Mrs. Timothy Gregory. This is my Greg. I married Greek, my sister married Italian. What can I say? You get what you pay for.”
Mom rolls her eyes. She married for love, as she always told us, not a Greek boy like her family wanted, and wants us to do the same. My brother already did, a girl not Greek or Italian, and—gasp!—Presbyterian. Their son Dom got baptized in both churches.
“What?” says Dad, mock scowling. “I’m not good enough for your sister?”
“Here we go again,” says my brother. “Can we introduce people already?”
“Um, actually—” Jack tries to interject.
“Con,” Mom interrupts. “Let’s just do a receiving line. You know, like a wedding reception. So’s Jack can meet everyone.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Does she have to be so obvious?
“No, Mom.”
“Actually,” Jack says, smirking at me. “I think I should meet everyone since I came all this way. Don’t you think?”
Before I can get another word out, Mom is off and running, pulling me next to Jack. “You two stand here, and your dad and I will stand next to you and announce everyone.”
“Line up, people! Line up!” Dad bellows as he takes his place at the head of the receiving line.
That’s when I put my hand over my eyes in embarrassment and feel Jack’s hand rubbing my back.
“You think this is bad,” he murmurs in my ear. “Wait until you meet my family.”
I have no time to react yet again as Dad shouts, “First up, the Greek couple who don’t keep the holy days like they’re supposed to, Timothy and Teresa Gregory.”
My aunt and uncle give me a hug and then, to my surprise, curtsy and bow to Jack.
“Pleased to meet you, your royal eminence,” Auntie Tess says.
What is going on here?
“No, no,” Jack says, “It’s just Jack.”
“Not Greek, are you?” Uncle Tim says, winking at Jack as Dad announces the next people in line. “Tragedy.”
As my aunt and uncle meander away, I turn towards Jack, confused. “You told them about you and your family?”
“I had to. They had to know.”
“But—”
“My pleasure,” he says as he extends his hand to Uncle Leo and Aunt Viv. “I’m Jack.”
No doubt, my father, brother, and uncles tag-teamed to get everything out of him, told my mom and aunties, and they spread it to the rest of the world. My family is relentless when they want to know something.
I’m amazed that Jack is extending his hand to everyone when he hates to be touched, but then he does have to do it in VIP meet-and-greets backstage. I step close and deflect people from any hugs or unwanted touches. It’s the least I can do, right?
There’s no time to do much talking as my parents keep the line moving, and my mom physically pushes people along. Namely, my chatty cousin Louise and her silent boyfriend Norman.
“Later, Louise,” Mom says as she pokes her in the back. “You talk to him later. Over some spumoni.”
Are they letting Jack stay for dinner? I think I should have a say in that. Geez.
And doesn’t he have a concert tonight?
It takes more than an hour to get through everyone. Some just want to introduce themselves and shake his hand, but others can’t resist the opportunity to tell him they’re a Pirate fan and name their favorite song, and a few ask him what it’s like to be one of the royals.
“Oh no, I wish,” he responds. “My father is a lord, but I’m just Jack.”
“That’s not true,” I protest the first time he says it.
“Yes, it is,” he insists. “I’m just Jack, and you’re just Lucy.”
I peer up at him. What’s that supposed to mean?
When we finally get to the last person in line, it’s my bachelor uncle Milo.
He shakes Jack’s hand with great enthusiasm. “Sorry to be late. This couple, they want to go to Disneyworld for their honeymoon. Can you believe? I’m like, no no, no can do. You want honeymoon, I got a honeymoon to end all honeymoons for you. That’s when I take out the brochures for the Bahamas. You got your pirates of the lagoon. You got your Small World right there. You got your beaches. Do Disneyworld later, with the bambinos. Am I right or am I right?”
“You arrange honeymoons?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, yeah,” says Milo. “I got my own travel agency. This little squirt didn’t tell you?”
Jack smiles at me. “No, this little squirt didn’t tell me. Can I ask you to hold that thought, Milo? I do need to ask this little squirt something.”
“OK, so he’s allowed to call me a little squirt,” I say. “But you—”
I stop as Jack lowers himself to one knee and takes hold of my hand.
My mother gasps and grabs my father’s arm.
My brother shouts, “Quiet, everyone! It’s time!”
Wait, what?
My heart is about to leap out of my chest. I mean, I know he came to apologize to me, but he came here to propose marriage to me too? And everyone knows it before I do?
“Lucy Sabatini,” he says, stroking my hand, “I have to admit in front of your entire family, and all of the friends, neighbors, and random strangers from Endwell I’ve just had the extraordinary pleasure of meeting, that I’m a fool.”
“Yes?” says my mom.
“There’s no question about it,” Jack continues, grinning. “But I’m also a fool smart enough to know when I’ve found the most beautiful, kind, generous, patient, and tolerant woman in the world, and, after some tomfoolery of a ridiculous and regrettable nature, to come to the realization that I am, without any reservations whatsoever, completely and totally head over heels in love with that brilliant, talented, and utterly perfect for me woman.”
Mom lets out a choked sob.
“If said woman could find it in her heart to forgive me for my many foibles and sins, and if she could see fit to agree to marry me and have babies with me and live happily ever after with me, I would be beside myself with joy and gratitude.”
Dad puts his arm around Mom as she breaks into sobs.
Nana is giving Jack a thumbs up.
I can’t breathe. I really can’t breathe.
He lets go of my hand as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a red velvet bag with a drawstring. He tips a ring into the palm of his hand and holds it up. It sparkles in the late summer sun.
“This is a ring that’s been in my family for seven generations, since the reign of George the Third, and which was gifted to me by my dear Grandmama before she died. She cautioned me to wait as long as necessary for the right woman to come along and sweep me off my feet.”
People chuckle at Jack’s cleverness. I wish Carm were here and not in the hospital. He would love all this pomp and ceremony. Cindy too. But I just want it to be over. I really, truly can’t breathe. What if I faint?
Now both Mom and Auntie Tess are sobbing. I feel the tears coursing down my own cheeks. Get a grip, Lucy. You can’t miss a word of what he’s saying because this is about the rest of your life. A vow—till death us do part. The person you spend the rest of your life with. The father of your children. The man you wake up next to every morning.
That is, if he lets you come on tour. Like Ozzy did Sharon, but most rock stars don’t. Hmm.
“I’ve been well and truly knocked off my feet by you. And I know in every ounce and fiber of my being that you are the right woman for me.” Jack pauses dramatically.
He’s not a rock star with a lot of what he calls ‘amateur dramatics’ under his belt for nothing. He could give my family a real run for their money. A definite point in his favor.
“Lucy Persephone Sabatini, would you mind doing me the enormous honor of entering into holy wedlock with me?”
He looks at me beseechingly.
I stare back at him as images from our relationship cycle rapidly through my mind. The first time I met him and fell into his arms, looking up into his gorgeous face. How he tried to fool me into believing he was a merch guy named Vic. Becoming delirious and hugging him after seeing a Pirate concert for the first time. Him spying on me on the band bus and praising my music that evening when we hung out in his hotel room. What a gentleman he was in defending me against what he thought was abuse from Magnus, and then protecting me when the stage was swarmed by out-of-control fans. Learning about his terrible childhood and why he is the way he is. Our first real night together when we couldn’t stop talking and laughing and wanting more and more and more. My ludicrous spying and unveiling as a Mata Hari. His unwillingness to listen and give me a second chance. And now him coming here and wooing my family and meeting the entire village of Endwell before getting down on one knee and proposing to me.
“Lucy?” he says, a look of confusion and uncertainty clouding his features.
“Yes!” my mother blurts out.
To be continued next week…
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Our two protagonists:
Jack St James / Vic - co-founder and lead singer of English rock band Pirate, pretends to be a Cockney crew member named Vic when he’s not in his costume and makeup
Lucy Sabatini - singer-songwriter, head of the music program at the Spirits Rising ashram, and a former supergroupie known as Lucy L’amour
Members of rock band Pirate:
Dunk - band manager
Manny - tour manager
George - drummer
Keith - lead/rhythm guitarist
Randy - keyboardist and Rob’s twin
Rob - bass guitarist and Randy’s twin
Sam - lead/rhythm guitarist
Others:
Alison - arena chef who becomes Randy’s girlfriend
Barry Bartholomew - A&R executive for Dolos Discs
Carly - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Suze, ‘assigned’ to Howie
Cindy - Lucy’s best friend since childhood and her second-in-command at the ashram
Howie - Barry’s nephew, an ‘honored guest’ of the band after caught spying
Magnus - the rock superstar Lucy previously toured with as a supergroupie
Mandy the Snake - admin manager for the ashram
Mister Wanker - Lucy’s nickname for Vic
Rhonda - Barry Bartholomew’s executive secretary
Russell Hammond - drummer for rock band Netherlude
Suze - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Carly, ‘assigned’ to Howie
Swami - the head of the ashram
Making us wait!!!
Thanks, mom! 😂