Untouchable - Chapter 35

A rock 'n' roll romcom - Jack and Lucy finally face one another, alone

Photo by Marlon Reyes on Unsplash

Note to readers: This is a story set in the outrageous world of 80s rock ’n’ roll — meaning adult content.

It’s a full-length novel focused on our two romcom protagonists, Jack and Lucy, and the chapters published to date are available here.

We are almost at the end, folks!

A guide to the characters is available at the bottom of the post.

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The story so far

Lucy has been recruited by Dolos Discs A&R executive Barry Bartholomew to pose as a groupie and spy on his secretive and difficult client, the English rock band Pirate, for the last six concerts of their big US tour. In exchange, he’s promised her a recording contract, but only if she reports back every single day and the band doesn’t find out why she’s there.

Meanwhile, Pirate manager Dunk MacGregor and lead singer Jack St James have finally captured a guy who keeps following the band and sneaking into off-limits backstage areas. Using groupie ‘persuasion,’ they discover that he’s Barry’s nephew sent to spy on the band, and they insist that he and the two groupies, Suze and Carly, remain for the rest of the tour as ‘honored guests.’

Flying out to the band’s next location in Albuquerque, Lucy wangles her way into the arena to meet the band, but finds herself confined to the hospitality room by a weird Cockney “merch guy” named Vic, who unbeknownst to her is actually lead singer Jack. She doesn’t recognize him out of his Pirate costume and makeup (a la KISS).

Lucy shares her Guide to the Rock Stars with the prim-and-proper arena chef, Alison, and succeeds in meeting and making a secret pact with Pirate’s disgruntled lead guitarist, Keith. Jack’s concerns about this groupie running amok (Lucy) are dismissed by band manager Dunk, only to prove true when her meddling causes a blowup in the band.

Jack convinces Dunk to give Lucy the boot after that night’s concert, but when she raves about his music afterwards, he not only changes his mind and insists that she be allowed to stay, but also rushes back to his hotel room to finish composing a song about her that has suddenly popped into his mind.

The next day, he throws all scruples to the wind in a quest to find out more about her by concealing a walkie-talkie in the band bus and listening in to her singing and talking. But his plans go awry as she figures things out and, at a rest stop, deliberately badmouths Jack to him when he’s pretending to be Vic. Upping the stakes, Jack asks Randy to invite her to his room that night for some ‘wild and kinky sex,’ wondering if she’ll show up.

She does, and they spend hours talking, eating, and playing music together. Lucy finally tells an outraged Jack about the stampede at the final Magnus concert and how she was saved by a roadie named Butch. He walks her back to her room and gives her a long kiss goodnight in the corridor.

The next morning Lucy gets another spying assignment from Barry — find out if the band has enough songs for a new album — and also receives an unexpected visit from rock star Magnus. He brings a warning from her parents that the swami is demanding her return and some terrible news of his own.

Jack hears about Magnus’s visit and tries to eavesdrop from the room next door. Thinking he hears Magnus hurting Lucy, he leaps to her balcony, rushes into the room, and punches Magnus, only to find out that he’s punched a man with HIV and that Lucy loves him. Magnus’s arrival and Jack’s leap have attracted not only the paparazzi but the news media and result in a security lockdown.

Jack finds out that Magnus is actually Lucy’s cousin. He and Lucy spend the night together, but despite Lucy’s best efforts, he keeps things slow because he wants to develop something real with her. Thinking Keith is upset at losing Lucy, Jack tells the band they can do one of the songs written by Keith and Rob in the encore for the very first time — to Keith’s delight but Dunk’s alarm.

Lucy reports to Barry that Pirate has enough songs for another album, even though she has no clue, and he tasks her with finding out if they’re talking to other labels. Jack prepares to sing the song he wrote for Lucy as a ‘gift’ at the end of that evening’s concert. Dunk is worried about the low level of the stage at the arena.

Jack and Lucy have their first fight when they arrive at the arena. Dunk saves the day by talking some sense into Jack and by accompanying Lucy to the side of the stage during the concert and staying with her as she deals with the terror of her stampede memories.

Jack sings his song for Lucy in the encore and she conquers her fear to join him onstage. He descends into darkness afterwards and, back at the hotel, tells her about his terrible childhood at boarding school and how fellow student Dunk became his protector and lifelong friend.

Jack worries that with all the problems he brings Lucy will abandon him, but then wonders if he should abandon her when she fails to wash her hands properly. They commit to dealing with their post-traumatic stress disorder together.

Barry demands that Lucy find out which labels are pursuing Pirate and how much they’re offering over her objections. She then engages in some inept spycraft and almost blows her cover with Jack and the rest of the band.

Jack invites Lucy onstage in the encore to sing ‘her song’ with him. Just as they’re reaching the crescendo in the final verse, fans manage to overwhelm security and storm the stage. Jack protects Lucy and fights them off, sustaining injuries that require medical treatment.

But those injuries don’t stop Jack from finally putting the moves on Lucy. They spend the night getting to know one another in new ways, including sharing their romantic and sexual histories with one another.

When they get to L.A. the next night, Jack immediately heads over to the arena to help Dunk with set problems. Lucy uses the opportunity to make her daily call to Barry, only to find out that the recording contract is not only not in the bag, but Barry denies that he ever promised it to her.

Barry wakes Jack with a phone call the next morning to tell him that there should be a new contract offer at his door — and that he was the one who sent Lucy out there, and that Jack can “keep the broad.” In front of the band, Jack has Lucy removed from the floor by Security in her pajamas, Lucy fighting tooth and nail to stay but ultimately being carried into the elevator.

Lucy meets with everyone in the restaurant to plan her campaign to win back Jack’s heart. Dunk tells Jack that Barry has offered them the contract of their dreams, and Jack’s shock is compounded by disbelief when Lucy appears at his hotel room door, accompanied by his own band, to serenade him with his own damn song. The nerve!

To Lucy’s chagrin, the serenade doesn’t work, but the follow-up meeting with Dunk does. He congratulates her on her abysmal spycraft that brought them a great contract, and offers to help her in her efforts to reconnect with Jack.

Lucy and the boys carry out campaign strategy number two — surprising Jack by bringing her onstage to sing “When Lightning Strikes” with him in that evening’s encore. Jack plays along while going to great lengths to keep her at arm’s length, and strides offstage before she can talk to him and make another appeal.

Lucy expresses reservations about the third and final element in the campaign strategy, but the boys engage in a full-bore press to convince her to go ahead. So she’s goes to Jack’s room to seduce him, and he immediately succumbs, but he treats it like a tawdry booty call. After Jack falls sleep, she flees to Dunk’s arms and then back home, convinced that the relationship is doomed.

When he wakes up, Jack searches for Lucy and confronts Dunk for helping her leave. He owns up to loving her, and Dunk tells him a jet is waiting to take him to Endwell to win her back. At the Sabatini home in Endwell, Jack faces the entire Sabatini clan and wins favor when their beloved cat, Mittens, climbs into his lap.

Jack serenades Lucy with most of the family and neighborhood looking on. Her parents insist on having a receiving line to introduce everyone to him. He then gets down on one knee and proposes to Lucy with a ring that’s been in his family for seven generations. Her mother accepts the proposal when Lucy fails to say yes.

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Will Lucy accept Jack’s marriage proposal?

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Chapter 35

Jack

“I have some questions,” Lucy says as she crosses her arms and gives me her ‘I mean business’ look.

It’s a look that delights and unnerves me. I love this feisty side of her, but only if it’s directed at someone else. Let the storm clouds unleash their fury on other heads rather than mine.

“Always with the questions,” her mum says.

Perfect. Her mum can be the lightning rod until I figure out how to get Lucy alone.

“Yeah, enough with the questions already,” her brother adds. “You love him or you don’t. Yes or no. Like me with Emily. I just knew.”

“The way I see it,” says her Uncle Bruno, “It’s like buying a car.”

Groans issue from several quarters.

“No, no. Hear me out. It’s pretty much exactly the same process. First you kick the tires and inspect it, see if it fits the bill. Then you take it out for a test drive or two or three, see how it performs. That ticks the box, then you wanna know, hey, what’s the deal? My niece, she’s no dummy. She’s got questions about the deal.”

Lucy’s mum looks ready to say something, but Uncle Bruno doesn’t give her a chance.

“Like my Lil here,” he says, smiling at his wife. “Had to ask her three times and keep making the deal sweeter. She drives a hard bargain, my Lil, but look at us. Big house up on the knob, three great kids, and still happy all these years later. But she did what our little Goose should do. Take it out on the country roads and let ‘er rip on the highway before she says ‘I’ll take it.’ Right, Lil?”

“You don’t let him rush you,” Lil says, taking her husband’s arm. “Like I told you before, sweetheart. He wants you, he won’t go nowhere while you’re making up your mind.”

“And hey, while we’re on the topic,” Bruno adds. “You want the car of your dreams, Jack, you come see me. I give you the sweetest deal no one can top. Guaranteed.”

Bruno is a local celebrity, so I’ve been told. On the local telly and radio all the time advertising his car dealership in that outrageous Sabatini way. The guy could sell broken seashells to Floridians or tap water back to water treatment facilities.

Lucy’s extended family has turned out to be the biggest surprise. They’re a one-stop shop for everything you could need—cars, Italian imports, a spiedi sandwich shop, travel services, an accountant, who knows what else. It’s an unexpected selling point for someone like me who’s been in school or a band his entire life. I don’t want Lucy to see how useless I am at dealing with the conveniences of life, or put all the onus on her to arrange them.

Yet another reason she’s perfect for me. She should never be embarrassed by her entrepreneurial family. Has she forgot what I do for a living?

“Lil, I love you,” says Lucy’s mum, “but this is my daughter we’re talking here. And who knows my daughter better than me?”

“Hey!” says Lucy’s dad.

“You know what I mean. A mother knows her daughter, and my daughter loves this boy, clear as day. What’s to discuss? He’s got his drawbacks, like not being Greek or Catholic or from the Triple Cities. And he’s way too handsome, gonna attract hordes of hot-to-trot girls. But they’ll work it out, like me and this handsome one here. Don’t think I don’t know!”

She takes her husband’s arm and he mock scowls. “So many girls I gave up for you!”

“Get a room, you two,” their son says right on cue.

These three are a comedy trio with running gags. I’m keen to discover how Lucy fits in. As a former member in good standing of Footlights, I’ll be aiming to join the fun with my own lines and bits. Maybe sprinkle in some British humor. I bet Dunk will want in on it too.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Lucy interjects with an arched brow. “Auntie Lil gave me some really great advice on dating. Remember the junior prom? So maybe I should listen really, really carefully to what she has to say.”

“Now you did it,” says her brother as Lucy’s mum and dad turn toward Lil and Bruno and get into a loud disagreement about what her dad refers to as “that night that almost ruined my daughter’s reputation.”

That’s when I feel Lucy’s hand take mine and yank. “C’mon! Quick! Before they notice!”

We slip behind a big bush into the Sabatinis’ back garden and she drops my hand as she opens the back door and loudly slams it shut.

“What—”

“C’mon!” she says with a mischievous grin as she runs to the split rail fence separating the property next-door and clambers over it. “Keep your head down so they don’t see and follow me.”

I have to run to keep up with her as we traverse several back gardens, cross a road, and after a few more gardens end up in the back of someone’s house.

“Me first,” she says, pointing upwards at what looks to be a somewhat ramshackle treehouse, apparently only accessed by steps made out of pieces of wood nailed to the tree.

It doesn’t look any too safe—I’d never let my kids use it—but if this is what it takes to win the woman of my dreams…

Lucy is like a little monkey, scrambling up the tree and disappearing inside the treehouse in no time.

Good thing I climb around on a stage designed like a pirate ship most nights and work out to Jane Fonda every day, or this could be a challenge.

Bugger all! I forgot to bring the painkillers for my stampede-related injuries and the pain hits with the first step. I don’t want her to judge me an old man and refuse to marry me, so I grit my teeth and try to haul arse as fast as she did. It sure ain’t easy.

As I reach the top, I see the “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” sign hanging askew next to the door and can’t help but smirk. Of course my little monkey is invading a boys’ clubhouse. She’s a master invader, after all.

Peering into the shady interior, I’m surprised to see how spacious it is, enough to hold a posse of kids or a not insignificant party of teenagers. Dunk and I would have killed for something like this at school, a place to escape the headmaster and his minions and rehearse our plays and pantos, even if the dingy gold carpet remnants covering the floor give off an unwelcome and unhealthy whiff of mildew. It needs a good cleaning with Wipe-It-Fresh.

Lucy is sitting in a full-on lotus position against the back wall facing me, a determined look on her face.

As I awkwardly crawl inside on my hands and knees, she stops me from advancing on her any further. “Stay on that side, Jack. Because I have some questions.”

“Of course,” I say as I pull my achy body into a semblance of crossed legs. I’ve never been able to get into a proper lotus position no matter how hard I try, and today I’m not even going to attempt it. She’ll have to accept this almost twenty-five-year-old body for what it can do. Most notably, making her body sing when I have her under me.

I’ll have to work a reminder of that into the conversation. It’s a selling point that I bet would make Uncle Bruno proud of this intended nephew-in-law.

“What is your vision for our future?” she asks.

“I… what?

“Emily asked my brother that, and she got a very good answer. Which is why she’s now happily married. So I want to know, what is your vision for our future?”

I don’t think it would be a good idea to share with her the vision I’ve just had, of me making her body sing the Hallelujah Chorus. I suspect that’s not what she means or what will win me her hand at this particular moment.

Is this a trick question? I know what I want, but we haven’t discussed what she wants beyond a music contract. What if I get it wrong? She’ll be gone from my life forever.

On the other hand, I can’t fudge the question and pretend that I’m open to anything or don’t know what I want, because I most certainly do. I named a few of those things in my marriage proposal.

There’s nothing for it if we’re to have a good marriage. I have to tell her how I really feel. Without spilling my guts and betraying the male code of honor, of course. There are lines dudes must never cross if they’re to survive amongst wily womenkind with their sanity and pride intact.

“The God’s honest truth, Lucy—”

“Cross your heart and hope to die?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” Did she read my thoughts? Blast it, she’s demanding that I spill my guts.

“The God’s honest truth,” I continue, giving her my most earnest look, “is that I can no longer imagine my life without you in it. I can’t say exactly what that will look like. But what I can say is that I’ve gone from having everything mapped out for the foreseeable future to having my brain constantly invaded by fantasies about what things will be like when we’re together. All the time. Like, when I’m singing, or brushing my teeth, or—”

“Tell me,” she interrupts.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me your fantasies.”

“What if they’re not the same as yours? It’s best if we discuss things and figure them out as a couple. I don’t want to say something that puts you off and—”

“Good answer, but no cigar,” she says with a ghost of a smile. “I want to hear your fantasies. In detail.”

I stare at her, thinking about what I want to say. What I should say. What might win her heart and her hand. I promised Nana I wouldn’t fuck this up.

“Don’t think, sweetie. Just tell me your dream life, if we’re together.”

Did she just call me sweetie? But ‘if we’re together’ means it’s not a done deal. I still have to convince her.

I’m dying to make a move towards her, to at least hold her hand while we talk, but I’m sensing it’s still not the right moment. She needs to hear my vision.

The thing is, I do, indeed, have a vision. She’s always been one step ahead of me. She already knows me too well. Better than I know myself. To quote that knower of many of the female of the species, Keith, “Women!”

“OK, you asked for it,” I say, holding her eyes with mine. “What I’ve been seeing is a family with four little mischief-makers, just like their mother. Mittens and I have met and he’s given me the Sabatini seal of approval. So, although I’m not a fan of germ-laden pets, he would be grandfathered in—”

“And George, my dog.”

“George is yours too? Oh, well, OK. But I draw the line at a menagerie, and under no circumstances any snakes or rats.”

She grins at me as I say this. Her brother’s advice—”Don’t give her an inch or she’ll take five miles”—comes to mind. Oh dear, I think I’ve already blown the pet thing. I’m going to need caseloads of Wipe-It-Fresh. This could be an expensive marriage in cleaning products and doctors’ bills.

“A clean and well-organized house,” I continue, just to make that crystal clear, “in the countryside where it’s quiet and beautiful. Not far from town, with space for playing games and taking rambling walks, and for making music.”

“Like… what do you mean?”

“So, I want to set up a recording studio. Dunk and I have been talking about it for yonks, and it’s high time we did. Lots of artists have them, as a way to cut costs and make money, and I quite fancy my odds as a producer.”

“You do?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I’ve discovered a new and exciting artist I want to produce. She’s a cross between Joni Mitchell and Linda Ronstadt. Her name is—”

“Where?” she says with a sense of urgency.

“Where what?”

“Where would this be? And what about Dunk and the band, making records and going on the road, doing concerts, and all of that stuff?”

We’re moving onto dangerous ground here, where my answer can make or break the relationship. But this is absolutely non-negotiable for me.

“I’m sorry, my love, but there’s one thing I can’t compromise on. You and the kids have to come on the road with me. There’s no way I’m leaving my family. If Ozzy and Sharon can do it, I see no reason why we can’t, at least while the kids are young. Later, when the kids are in school—”

“Where would we live?” she interrupts again with that same sense of urgency.

“OK, well, don’t over-react when I say this, but now that I’ve met the entire town of Endwell, and I seem rather popular here, I was thinking—”

“Jack, I’d like that test drive now please,” she says as she pulls her feet from the lotus position.

“Test drive?” Does she mean what I think she means?

“I need to let ‘er rip on the highway before I decide whether to say yes.”

This bloke don’t need no second invitation, does he?

As I’m recovering from opening the throttle all the way and showing her what this baby can do, I can’t help but ask her about something that’s been niggling at me. “What, exactly, happened at the junior prom?”

Lucy turns in my arms and grins at me. “You’re not going to believe this.”

“I think I probably am.”

“So, after the prom, I was here—right here—with Cindy and our dates. She left me with Bob DeVecchio, her date, while she took my date, Hutch Hutchison, into the house to get some more stuff to drink. While we were waiting for them to come back, Bob and I smoked some pot and fell asleep. My parents found us here the next morning, and started screaming about my reputation being ruined.”

“Weren’t Cindy and that Hutch Hutchison here?”

“No, that’s just it. They never came back, so it looked really bad. My parents grounded me for life and told me it was the absolute final straw.”

“What does that mean, grounded for life?”

“In my family that means no seeing boys outside school. But school was already over and I have a ground-floor window, so no biggie. Cindy still came over all the time and pretty much lived at our house, ‘cause her mom’s always working.”

“I really need to meet this Cindy since she’ll be around our kids.”

“She’s like a female version of George or Rob.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Anyway, back to my story. Being grounded for life turned out great, because Carm convinced them to let me go on tour with him for the summer, after they’d already said no. And that summer stretched into all of senior year when I refused to come back.”

“You are a little minx!”

“The rest, as they say, is history. Becoming Lucy L’amour, then the stampede and hiding out in the ashram. Becoming head of music and writing my songs. And now—voila!—your favorite Mata Hari.”

“My only Mata Hari. My own Mata Hari, whom I’m now going to use for my own nefarious purposes. I’m thinking you’ll be brilliant at spying on the kids, once I make an honest woman out of you.”

“You think you can?” she says with a saucy look.

“I have to ask, is this Cindy’s house? And is someone living here?”

“It’s Cindy’s mom’s house, and she’s at work. So no one’s home.”

“Perfect,” I say as I pull her on top of me.

We’re just about to resume the test drive when we hear someone deliberately and loudly clearing their throat.

“What?” Lucy bellows towards the door. “It’s my brother,” she tells me. “Our secret signal.”

“A guy named Dunk wants to know if you’re coming back for the concert tonight.”

“Hold the phone,” she yells at her brother.

We stare at one another. I’ve got to jump in and close the deal. Right now.

“So I’ve serenaded you with my music, including a song I wrote expressly for you, and I’ve given you another exciting test drive. As Uncle Bruno would say”—I put on my best Bruno impersonation—”Is this a sweet deal or what? So what sayeth thou, Lucy Persephone Sabatini? Do you think you might consent to put this rock star out of his misery and enter into a state of wedded bliss for life with this completely besotted-and-bewitched-by-you man?”

“That sounds like a pretty good deal,” she says as she cocks her head and grins at me. “But as my advisor in affairs of the heart says, second chances come in threes.”

I’m going to kill that Dunk.

“Tony,” I yell towards the door, “If you would be so kind, can you please tell him that I’m coming back for the concert tonight accompanied by Lucy and your family? He knows what to do.”

That’ll teach the interfering Highlander. There are consequences. Like dealing with the entire Sabatini clan.

“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

“And can you get your family ready to depart for the airport in a half hour? Anyone and everyone who wants to come?”

“You got it,” Tony replies.

“Really?” Lucy says, giving me an enthusiastic kiss.

After Tony’s whistling fades away and we’re sure he’s left, I show her the meaning of high performance when speed is of the essence.

I have no choice, do I? It’s imperative that I pull out all the stops to get her to sign on that dotted line.

To be continued after Christmas…

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CAST OF CHARACTERS

Our two protagonists:

Jack St James / Vic - co-founder and lead singer of English rock band Pirate, pretends to be a Cockney crew member named Vic when he’s not in his costume and makeup

Lucy Sabatini - singer-songwriter, head of the music program at the Spirits Rising ashram, and a former supergroupie known as Lucy L’amour

Members of rock band Pirate:

Dunk - band manager

Manny - tour manager

George - drummer

Keith - lead/rhythm guitarist

Randy - keyboardist and Rob’s twin

Rob - bass guitarist and Randy’s twin

Sam - lead/rhythm guitarist

Others:

Alison - arena chef who becomes Randy’s girlfriend

Barry Bartholomew - A&R executive for Dolos Discs

Carly - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Suze, ‘assigned’ to Howie

Cindy - Lucy’s best friend since childhood and her second-in-command at the ashram

Howie - Barry’s nephew, an ‘honored guest’ of the band after caught spying

Magnus - the rock superstar Lucy previously toured with as a supergroupie

Mandy the Snake - admin manager for the ashram

Mister Wanker - Lucy’s nickname for Vic

Rhonda - Barry Bartholomew’s executive secretary

Russell Hammond - drummer for rock band Netherlude

Suze - avid Pirate groupie and friend of Carly, ‘assigned’ to Howie

Swami - the head of the ashram